I'm spending a lot of time lately thinking about direction: direction for my life, direction for my spirituality, direction for my Circle....
I guess what I'm struggling with are the many voices telling me what to think, what to believe, and who to be. Some of these voices are from the outside - friends, relatives, co-workers, society, etc. Some of the voices are from inside - my upbringing, my ego, etc. The voices all seem to have a different message on what is important and who I am. I think we all struggle with this as we continually are pushed and pulled into different directions. The first thought (and the one I know I have had) is inactivity. The mind just wants to say "enough" and give in and give up. It seems like just doing nothing may actually be the right answer.
As I think further.. maybe doing nothing really is the right answer. Not the way my ego wants to tell me to do nothing, but the true "Doing Nothing" of spirituality. Just be.
My job keeps getting more complex. I have almost 60 employees world-wide. I have deadlines, responsibilities, and lots to do. I've had some tell me that this is the most important thing in my life and others tell me it is the least important. I'm told to take my career to new heights or to abandon my job because it's not spiritual. I'm finding both of those are not true. I live in this world and in my current situation I need to be employed. I'm good at what I do and actually enjoy it most of the time. There is a factor of too much sometimes, but that is something I need to control and work through. But my job is just as spiritual as anything else. It may seem like doing global data quality for an international computer company isn't spiritual. But.. my question is if it's not - what is? Isn't our entire life spiritual? I think, I work, I ineteract with people around the world and help them on their journey.
Then there is my Circle... I have been told by some that it gets in the way of my career and by others that I should abandon my job and focus on the Circle because it is where true spirituality comes. I disagree on both counts. My work and my Circle are peices of a whole. I interact with people in both arenas, touch lives, and have a spiritual experience every day - whether I recognize it or not.
Within my spiritual journey, I've struggled with the apathy of some and the lack of focus of others... When you run a spiritual group you learn that what people say is often very different from what they do. You will be asked to have more meetings, spend more time, provide more and then many will fall away, be too busy to attend, or show less interest in what they've asked you to provide than they do in any other aspect of their life. Others will seem zealous for the path and then eventually find something else shiny that draws them away. Then there are those that will get upset over something (that seems to make no sense to you) and quit after being a part of your community for a long time. This has bothered me a great deal.. it has made my ego wonder why I bother and why I spend the time trying to provide the best experience I can. I'm learning that this is my issue - no one elses. As a spiritual leader all as you can do is provide the opportunity and let others partake if they are interested and available. If not, you have still done your job by providing the means.
I have to learn to let go of my job, my circle, and my very life. If I lose my job, my circle disintegrates, or my life falls apart - does it really matter?
My point here is that my job, my circle, all aspects of my life are really my spiritual journey and I must learn to let the voices go. Everyone (including me) will have opinions and ideas of how I should live and be, but the best answer is not to over-analyze, not to strive, but to be. This is not apathy as long as the vision is never lost.
It's becoming a longer journey then I would like, but I'm beginning to understand that my direction has nothing to do with the outside and everything to do with the inside.
